The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
