its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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