Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
