Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
