Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
