Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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