i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
