I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
