Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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