Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
