Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
