What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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