The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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