Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
