Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
