Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
