New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
