I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
