dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
