i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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