dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
