Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
