There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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