Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Randomize
