And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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