i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
