she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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