And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
