Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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