i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
