We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
