Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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