I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
