Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
