Where did you get a picture of my penis
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
