I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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