You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
