I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
