I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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