Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
