I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
