just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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