first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
