Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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