I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
