Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
