fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I intend to get homeless drunk
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
