sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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