Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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