I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
