She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
