just tell him i said nine months
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
